


Black Lace

by SherlockianMinty



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Darth Vader mention, Drinking, Fondness, Friendship, Gender Dysphoria, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Kylo Ren, Hux the Padme Amidala fanboy, I had to include it, Implied Transphobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kissing, Knights of Ren mention, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, Pre-Slash, Self-Hatred, Suicide mention, Trans Kylo Ren, Transphobia, Yeaah you heard me right, hux shows tenderness, ish, my fav headcanon, not for long I swear, nothing about the knights of ren is canon, sorry they both had shitty childhoods
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2018-05-27 18:50:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6295735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SherlockianMinty/pseuds/SherlockianMinty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux learns of Kylo's gender, and an unlikely friendship ensues</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Kylo Ren slammed the datapad controlling the door, striding angrily inside. Snoke had been particularly displeased that morning with Kylo’s mission to raid a resistance base; Hux had been as uptight and impassive as ever; and now, typically, their skin had started itching.

Their coat was hurled onto the bed, their helmet skittered across the floor. They were standing before the mirror in two strides, already staring into it intensely when their robes fell from their shoulders, pooling around their ankles. The pale, bony expanse of skin before them was a wasteland to Kylo’s eyes, brimming with uncomfortably straight lines. Eyes fluttering closed, a different image appeared, one which brought a smile to their lips for the first time that day.

Throwing a brief glance towards the closed door, they walked with a practised fluidity towards the regulation metal box which constituted a wardrobe. It took a few moments of rummaging to extricate the third hangar from the back, from which was hanging an innocuous suit bag emblazoned with the First Order insignia. Even when unzipped, it seemed at first glance like the rest of their wardrobe, immaculately kept with not a mote of dust marring the black. But when their fingers brushed the lace, their smile grew even wider.

In a relieved frenzy, they slid into the dress, revelling in the softness of the fine silk underdress, entirely at odds with the course fabric of the robes they wore every day. It was superb, form-fitting and tight while somehow flattering curves their body didn’t have. Their hands smoothed down the fabric as they spun for the mirror. Reaching back, they pulled the zip slowly upwards until it, of course, stuck, their arms already so contorted that they screamed in protest.

“Kriffing hell.” They said, and began to raise their arms behind their head.

Just then they heard a noise at the door and realised that they had been paying so much attention to the task in hand that the Force’s warning of someone’s approach had gone unnoticed. About to yell that they’d unlock the door in a moment, the reflection of the door slid open and they spun around, startled.

Apparently even Kylo Ren’s door could be overridden with a general’s access code.

Hux strode in, unheeding of the force-user’s privacy. There was a datapad glowing in his hand and he was spouting something about his plan for another strike on the resistance as soon as possible, giving them no time to recover their strength. Kylo was frozen to the cold floor, unable to distinguish the general’s words over the pounding of blood in their ears.

“Can you lead a squadron into the base while my men provide a distraction for them?” Hux repeated, his steady gaze rising to Kylo’s eyes.

Stuttering for a moment, they swallowed and replied quietly, “yes. Yes, I can do that.”

“Fine. Then, once you’ve weakened their internal defences, Captain Phasma will bring a larger group in behind you to deliver the final blow.” The pause stretched on long enough that they realised Hux was expecting an answer.

“Alright.”

“I’ll need you to pick out twenty-five troopers before Centaxday, I can recommend some if you’d like. You’ll want to get in some extra training in the next few days too – oh, and I need you at the meeting tomorrow to discuss yesterday's mission.”

Kylo’s eyes were still wide, their breathing rapid. “Ok.”

He gave a curt nod and turned on his heel, marching towards the door. Confused and frustrated at Hux’s indifference, they found that they could finally open their mouth.

“So that’s it? You just walk out of here?” They demanded.

The general stopped. “It’s none of my concern what you get up to in the privacy of your own quarters.”

When he again moved to leave, Kylo blurted out: “Don’t- don’t tell the Supreme Leader.”

They almost begged – _almost_.

Hux turned around slowly. There was a fire in his eyes which unsettled them, but Kylo couldn’t quite identify the emotion roiling in the man’s mind.

“Turn around.” Hux’s voice was cold steel. Kylo didn’t move, mouth opening in puzzlement. “I said turn around, Ren.”

Eventually they obeyed, dragging their leaden feet. When they felt his warmth nearing them, they closed their eyes tight. They mentally cursed themself when they flinched from Hux’s hand on their waist. His other hand drew slowly up Kylo’s back, making their shoulders tense.

All of a sudden, his presence was gone. When they opened their eyes again, the room was empty and the dress was zipped to the top.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short, unplanned ficlet written just after I myself came out as genderfluid. I don't currently have plans to expand this, but I may if I find inspiration - hope you enjoyed it :)


	2. Chapter 2

When Kylo Ren turned the corner towards their rooms, their chin was tipped up, their gait more prideful than when they had left the ship a few hours earlier. At last they had proven themself worthy of Snoke’s favour. A resistance stronghold in the Corellian System, a thorn in the First Order’s side for months, had been entirely destroyed, and several key prisoners taken whom they themself would soon be questioning.  
Almost bouncing along the hallway, they frowned at the sight of a stormtrooper standing apprehensively by their door, alongside a trolley overflowing with crates.  
“What?” They snapped, eager to get back to their quarters.  
“General Hux sent them, sir. Paperwork to be completed as soon as possible and sent back to him. He said to inform you that you were very behind on mission reports.”  
While so much was probably true, Kylo was glad of the mask to cover their disgusted expression as they scanned the precarious piles of boxes. Begrudgingly taking the acceptance form from the soldier, they were intrigued by the words ‘for your eyes only’ concerning blank forms. They strode forwards, flipping the catch on one crate and raising the lid.  
Eyes wide behind their mask, the crate was slammed shut before the stormtrooper could peer inside. The form was signed and shoved roughly towards the soldier’s stomach in seconds.  
“Tell Hux I’ll get to work immediately.”  
She was stopped from replying to her superior by the door sliding shut behind the boxes, pushed inside swiftly by the Force.  
Kylo Ren was pressed to the other side of the door, leaning against it with racing pulse as they waited for the trooper to leave. She was professional enough not to linger, nor, it seemed, to have peeked into her cargo. They sighed with relief as they felt her go, her mind only grateful to have survived direct contact with the Force-user and already thinking over her next task.  
Alone once more in their locked room, Kylo knew that they ought to be thinking what Hux was playing at. Where had he got all this? How could he have smuggled it in without anyone noticing?  
But as they opened up more and more of the boxes, picking up objects at random, running their fingers over expensive fabrics, they could only marvel at the abundance and variety of the articles delivered to them. After the boxes hovered apart, fanning outwards to land with a thump in a circle around them, they strode around the ring, rummaging through fine satin dresses, sticks of vivid paints they hadn’t known existed, and, they noted with a blush still concealed by their mask, lingerie.  
They smiled ruefully at the single blank form in the final box entitled: Drall Alpha 2-17 Mission Report. Out of gratitude only, they took the form to their desk and scrawled a prideful account of the victory in untidy, spidery letters.  
Once the useless form had been completed, they ground the heels of their palms into their suddenly tired eyes as they considered where all of these clothes might be hidden. Not that anyone was likely to enter their room willingly, but it never hurt to be careful with these things. Slowly dragging battle-leaden limbs around and around their chambers, the piles of chiffon and powders gradually shrunk until they were finally left with a pair of shoes with what any rational person would term as absurdly high heels.  
They cast a despairing glance around the room, not finding a single square inch of space. With an uncomfortable jolt in their gut, their eyes alighted on a disapproving durasteel door. The hand holding the shoes shook a little as they approached the datapad embedded in the wall beside it, and keyed in the entry code. Their eyes were round and scared as they rose from the floor to Darth Vader’s twisted helmet. Swallowing nervously, they still hovered on the threshold.  
Not for the first time, Kylo found themself wishing that their grandfather were still alive. Then they might at least have been able to talk to him about it, seek his opinion, his guidance. Anything better than this, swaying at the door, trying desperately to balance the deafening certainty that their hero would have been ashamed of them for this and the weak bleats that of course they could have confided in him, of course he would have understood.  
They had never taken that part of their life within these walls, never reached out for their grandfather’s approval, terrified that any Force projection would be heard by Snoke. Closing their eyes, and forcing calm upon their rapid breaths, they thought about him, about the little they knew of their grandfather’s life. He had turned to the dark side to save the woman he loved, this much they knew, had risked life and lost limbs to keep her safe. He had supposedly betrayed his master to protect his son. Surely such a man could forgive this one peculiarity from his devoted grandchild, surely.  
In any case, barked a spitefully rational part of Kylo Ren’s mind, it’s just a helmet.  
This sentiment hurt them most of all as they knelt before the hollow pedestal atop which said helmet lay, opening a hatch to a compartment which held the possessions they most prized, and most strove to hide. Beside their old, blue lightsaber, a battered holo-recording of two people playing happily with a black-haired toddler, and a dried flower, which grew only on their home planet, hurriedly picked in the aftermath of a bloody altercation with a resistance outpost, they placed the tall, silver shoes.  
They hurriedly closed the panel and stood to leave, murmuring a nervous apology to the disfigured mask.


	3. Chapter 3

Kylo Ren was lounging idly on the silken expanse of their bed. They had had the crates removed from their room a few days ago, and now that they had ‘caught up’ on the backlog of mission reports, they were free to spend their evenings examining ancient notes on the dark side of the Force, written by long forgotten Sith lords in a language almost equally unknown.  
Pleasantly cool in nothing but some of their new lingerie, they admired the reflection of their painted face in the datapad’s screen. As soon as they had pressed the first mysterious tube to their skin, they realised just how much skill was involved, and envied the women who made it look so effortless. Nevertheless, they were rather pleased by the results of their first attempt.  
They were thus occupied, pursing their dark lips experimentally, when General Hux swept into the room, once again without taking the time to knock. However, unlike his last unsolicited visit, he immediately flushed a red to rival his hair and turned his back on the half-naked Kylo.  
“Ah,” He stuttered, “I- uh, didn’t mean to intrude on your privacy. M-my apologies.”  
They laughed as Hux stepped back towards the door. “It’s fine, Hux.” They pulled their heavy robe over their shoulders. “See?”  
Hux turned slowly around, surreptitiously ensuring that they were decent before facing them.  
“What was it you wanted?”  
“Wha- oh, I just came to check if everything was… To your liking.” The flustered Hux waved a vague hand, and Kylo noted curiously how uncharacteristically ineloquent he was.  
“It is, thank you. It was very kind of you.”  
The room became quiet and tense once more, each of them unused to being so polite to the other. Casting around for something, anything to say, they were surprised to hear Hux break the silence with: “That eyeshadow does nothing for your complexion.”  
“Excuse me?” Kylo replied, perplexed. “What would you know about it?”  
“I used to help my sister, and she had just your pallor.” He picked up the extensive palate, and perused it with a focused expression. “What you need is… This.” Smiling genuinely, he pointed to one.  
“I’m happy with the black.” They responded flatly, nose wrinkling.  
General Hux rolled his eyes. “Ren, you look like a corpse. You need something more vibrant.”  
Kylo huffed, and remained unconvinced as their eyes flicked between the powders in Hux’s steady hand and the man’s determined face.  
“It’ll match your lightsaber.” He tried, a wheedling tone to his voice.  
Glaring, they finally relented. “Fine, but if it looks awful – which it will – you’re redoing the black.”  
“At least it’ll be neater.” Hux muttered as he rummaged around a cupboard. Petulantly, Kylo threw a pillow at him.  
After a brief struggle broke out over the wet cloth Hux had been advancing with, they snatched it from him.  
“I can do that myself.” They said, to which Hux threw up his arms in defeat before scanning the set of brushes before him.  
They regretfully scrubbed off the lipstick and eyeshadow they had painstakingly applied earlier, watching the general distrustfully as he approached them with his chosen instruments. With a surprisingly gentle hand, he turned Kylo’s face towards the light and began dusting a dark powder down the hollows of their cheeks. They sat there, in still silence, for several minutes as Hux concentrated on his task and Kylo began almost to savour the light touch on their skin as their head was turned this way and that.  
“Are you wearing false eyelashes?” He asked, astonished.  
“Yes. So?”  
“Oh, nothing.” He said distractedly. “Just that you don’t exactly need them, your natural ones are so long already.”  
This stirred an odd pride in them, and they smiled a little, making Hux, lipstick in hand, scowl.  
“Can’t you hold still?”  
Silence fell again, and they waited restlessly for a few minutes before Hux pulled back to admire his work.  
“Well, it has been a while, but I think it proves my point adequately.” He mused, critically, slipping the used brushes away before handing Kylo a mirror.  
They could only gaze into it, awestruck. Hux had been right about the colour, very right. They marvelled at the way the red looked on their skin, hints of gold shimmering here and there. He’d done something with powder over their cheeks too, something they couldn’t explain, it simply seemed to work on some preternatural level.  
“You may be right.”  
“Glowing praise indeed.” Hux snickered as, sitting on the end of their bed, he turned back to face them.  
Soon he grew uncomfortable again, and Kylo could feel his mind prickling with tension. 

“The Knights of Ren don’t allow women in their ranks.”  
“I’m sorry?”  
“Just, that’s why I asked you not to tell Snoke.”  
“I see. And are you a woman?”  
Kylo was rather taken aback by the question, looking up into the general’s eyes but seeing an entirely serious expression. “Well, I… Not all the time.”  
“So you’re fluid?”  
“I’m – what, sorry?”  
“Fluid, it’s – do you not know about-? One moment.”  
Hux hurried from their quarters, leaving Kylo sitting perplexed on their bed, wondering what he had been talking about. Just as they began to worry about what Hux might be doing, he returned with a dogeared pamphlet about human genders which he thrust into their hands.  
“Here, this might help. If you want a name for, uh, you.”  
“Well, I- thank you.” They were already flicking through it, soon noticing the page about the ‘fluid’ Hux had mentioned.  
“It’s no problem, I’ve had it for a while, and I don’t need it.”  
“Do you already know…?” They held the pamphlet up.  
“What- no, I mean, it was my sister’s. I’m not- anything.” He finished awkwardly, shifting to attention, as he often did when nerves threatened to get the better of him.  
“Oh, what was she?”  
“A girl, but born a boy. Or in a-” He gestured uncertainly, “male body.”  
“Really?” They asked, raising their eyes from the page to be confronted with Hux’s more than evident discomfort.  
“I’d rather not talk about it.” He said, casting his eyes down to the floor.  
“Why not? Ashamed, are we, Hux?” They prodded, with only a hint of true accusation.  
“No!” He shouted, an indefinable fire in his eyes once again, shocking Kylo in his sincerity. “I hope you find it useful.” He finished, curtly.  
As the man turned on his heel and left, Kylo considered reading Hux’ mind, finding out what Hux was trying so hard to forget. But as the door closed, they decided against it. Hux, more than anyone they had yet known, deserved their respect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo thanks to all your wonderful comments, I have continued this. There should be another few chapters when I can get around to them - and once again, thanks for all your positive feedback, it really means a lot xx


	4. Chapter 4

They felt comfortable that day. Comfortable in their own skin, at least; the air in their quarters still held frissons of tension which Kylo couldn’t shake off. Sighing deeply, they stepped from their rooms, making for the mess hall for lunch. They didn’t usually dine in the troop canteen, not overly keen to eat among those they tried to keep as strangers, to remove their mask around stormtroopers who feared them. But today there was someone they had to find, someone they were very concerned about.  
When the doors slid open before them they scowled, a cursory glance revealing that Hux had not arrived. The room fell silent as they swept inside, the staff and soldiers at the long tables purposefully avoiding their gaze. They swiftly snatched up a tray from a cooking droid and deposited themself at the officers’ table, the loud thunk of their mask on the durasteel making the room startle visibly and hurriedly resume its conversations. They kept their eyes fixed on the doors, keeping such focused watch that their food soon went forgotten.  
It wasn’t long before Hux entered, deep in conversation with a technician. Kylo Ren immediately began eating, deep into a rehydrated, grey-brown soup by the time the general sat down in front of them.  
“Ren.” He said - rather warmly, they thought.  
“General Hux.”  
He took a large gulp from the mandatory nutritional slush in his flask and they sat in silence for a few moments, the general seemingly ravenous after a long shift. They were just about to speak when a large expanse of chrome appeared over Hux’ shoulder and sat beside him.  
“Good afternoon, captain.” The general greeted.  
Once she had pulled off her helmet, shaking out her blonde tresses, she replied heartily: “Afternoon, general.”  
Kylo could sense someone’s reluctance to sit beside them, a hesitant glance towards his superiors. “Lieutenant.” They said, in as friendly a voice as they could muster.  
“H-hello, Commander.” Mitaka stuttered quietly before taking his seat to the captain’s encouraging smile.  
“So I hear you’ll be off-ship for a while, sir.” Captain Phasma stated before chugging her entire drink without stopping for breath.  
They looked up sharply, intrigued at what must have been in a memo they hadn’t taken the time to read.  
“Six days, yes. I believe I have the honour of supervising one of your best squadrons.”  
“You do indeed.” And the conversation turned to praise of her men, then soon to a discussion of the merits of the wider stormtrooper programme – Hux’ pride and joy, and something about which he needed little excuse to expound at length.  
The four sat amicably for quite some time, Kylo even laughing at some of Phasma’s jibes at Hux, which left the lieutenant beside them looking even more spooked than when he’d arrived. Frustratingly, Hux was the first to leave, cursing unprofessionally when he noticed how much time had passed and excusing himself apologetically to finish some last-minute paperwork.  
Kylo watched him go, their mind slipping towards the few details of the general’s mission which Phasma had been projecting. She didn’t seem too concerned about its success, although whether that was due to the nature of the mission or her confidence in her stormtroopers wasn’t clear. They hoped it was the former, and then with furrowed brow wondered why they cared about it at all. Whatever the reason, they had to find the man before he set off.  
They blinked, returning to their immediate surroundings. Lieutenant Mitaka was sitting beside them still, his limbs stiff from something caught between fear and determination. His and the captain’s trays were empty of food and two were making quiet small talk interspersed with brief glances towards them. Quickly, they finished their rehydrated lunch, at which point Phasma replaced her shining helmet and slid out from the table with a threatening grace.  
They soon swept away from the other two, turning off the corridor to the bridge towards Hux’s quarters, their helmet heavy under their arm. When the door they sought stood before them, Kylo hesitated for a few moments, fiddling with their frayed sleeve and debating the merit of entering.  
This is absurd, they insisted silently before rapping sharply on the durasteel.  
The door slid open to reveal a stack of paperwork and an unusually ruffled Hux. Even with only an inch or two of his uniform jacket unfastened and his hands running through tousled hair, he already looked surprisingly different, softer, more approachable. Kylo cleared their throat and stepped forwards. Before the general could open his mouth, they spoke.  
“You’re leaving soon.”  
“Yes. Just supervising a small team.” He glanced at his datapad. “Nothing taxing.”  
“I just didn’t think we should… Part on bad terms.”  
To this, Hux gave a hearty, good-natured laugh. “We’ve been on bad terms for most of your time here, Ren.”  
“Yes, well,” They glanced away from him at an entirely uninteresting chair, “I just wanted to apologise for pushing you. You don’t have to tell me anything.”  
“No.” He said icily. “You can just read my mind.”  
“I won’t.”  
Hux looked at them, head cocked to one side and arms folded. “Really?”  
They shook their head, hair bouncing around their downcast expression. Hux stood gazing at them for several long, confusing moments.  
“You’re not busy next week, are you?”  
“Why?” They asked, eyes narrowed.  
“I have a few days of leave after the mission, there’s somewhere I ought to bring you.”  
“Is that a date, general?” They smirked.  
Seeing his contemptuous glare, Kylo threw their hands up in defeat. “I’m sure I can make time for it.”  
Hux only smiled, and turned back to his paperwork.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So - warnings for serious dysphoria at the end of this chapter, and for a terrible leap in POV which shall repeat itself in future chapters

General Hux was not in the least surprised when he strode onto the modest, nondescript ship to find it entirely lacking in Kylo Ren. They had been late to and even gone so far as to miss so many meetings and briefings that he had grown irritably used to their unpunctuality. Deciding at least to pass the time waiting for them usefully, he started up the ship’s navigational computer and plotted the long course towards a very isolated planet. It was one he had visited many times, and so he knew it would suit his purpose admirably.  
It was the sound of the stormtroopers’ uniform footfalls hurrying to a decidedly non-regulation tempo which first alerted him to Kylo Ren’s approach. Making a note to personally oversee future drill training sessions, he pressed the button which controlled the outer hatch, allowing the masked Ren and their absurdly overdramatic robes to enter the shuttle. He had never seen them do anything as undignified as to trip over them, but he was convinced it must be a constant hazard, especially while fighting. Or perhaps that’s what they all need the Force for most, he mused, navigating their ridiculous clothes.  
The craft was hovering above the hangar floor and beginning its acceleration from the Finalizer by the time Ren arrived in the cockpit. Without any preamble they said:  
“I’ve never seen this kind of ship before. What is it?”  
“It’s a top secret design, based on old smuggling ships.” Hux replied, flicking a few switches in preparation for the jump to hyperspace. “Mainly used for undercover reconnaissance, since it can’t be identified as belonging to the Order.”  
“And why do we need to use it?”  
“You’ll see.”  
An aggravated sound issued from the mask, and its owner flopped into the co-pilot’s seat as the ship hit light speed.  
“Do you even know how to fly this thing?”  
Hux cast them a look of mock hurt, dripping with easy sarcasm, but refused to dignify the question with a reply. Seemingly satiated for now, Kylo shed their mask, letting it fall haphazardly to the floor and making Hux wince for the paintwork. Although, he supposed, a few dents might add to its authenticity.  
The flight continued more or less silently, a seemingly exhausted Ren dozing a little and giving Hux a peace he was seldom allowed as the threat of the Resistance became ever more imminent. It brought a peace too to the sleeping Ren, their face temporarily alleviated of a stress Hux hadn’t noticed there before. As he cast surreptitious glances at them, he could note that the dark circles around their eyes, so often obscured by that hideous mask, had worsened, seemingly now a permanent feature of the otherwise unmarred face.  
They woke with a jolt as the ship fell out of hyperspace and the mask on the floor clanged loudly against a wall. A noise of disgust issued forth as they regained a hold on their surroundings, and Hux watched out of the corner of his eye as their heavy outer cloak was pushed from their shoulders. They continued to fidget over the next few minutes while Hux cruised their ship slowly towards their destination, and eventually Kylo laid their head on their folded arms and let out something akin to a quiet whine which Hux almost missed.  
He couldn’t help the small smile which came to his lips before he gave voice.  
“I brought a change of clothes, if it would make you more comfortable.”  
They looked up at him, their expression carrying suspicion merely out of habit at this point.  
“First door on the left.” He said, amused when Ren stayed put for several long seconds in a show of defiance before striding out of sight.  
It wasn’t long before Hux heard them returning, their footsteps hesitant and halting. A panel beside him was polished to such a shine that it showed him a perfect image of Kylo Ren as they entered. His breath caught in his throat at the sight. Their figure was wrapped in a knee-length dress, the colour of the finest Corellian wine, and their already long, pale legs seemed to stretch for parsecs as they teetered on black heels.  
With an effort, Hux flicked his gaze back to the control panel, and said only: “No make-up?”  
“You’re better at it than I am.” They returned offhandedly, folding their limbs with a little more care and pride into the vacant seat.  
This brought a grin to Hux’ features as he pressed an array of buttons and the ship began to descend. Beside him, Kylo studied the navigation panel with a furrowed brow.  
“Hux, where are we going? This is Republic territory.”  
He didn’t reply, instead intent on softly landing the craft in an open meadow.  
“Hux!” They shouted after him, annoyed, as he vanished into a small antechamber to change himself. He could hear them huff impatiently even from this distance.  
It felt good to be back in civilian clothing. As much as Hux respected and almost enjoyed the formal rigidity of uniforms, he always relished a little time out of them. It was like stepping into another life - which today was more true than ever. If anyone had told him mere months ago that he’d be spending his precious leave in the company of Kylo Ren, he’d have had them court-martialled in the blink of an eye.  
But in this bizarre turn in the general’s life, he was sitting in front of just that person, holding their face in his hands and painting their eyes with a focus he usually reserved for devising stratagems of war.  
“That’ll do, I think. Let’s go.” He said, rising gracefully before stepping to the exit hatch.  
“Go? I only just put all this on.” They looked crestfallen at the prospect.  
“And you can keep it on.” He said with a smile.  
“Hux,” their voice hardened, “where are we going?”  
“Just a bar where no-one knows you.”  
“So it is a date.” They said slyly.  
“I just thought you’d like the chance to be yourself, away from prying eyes. I came here with my sister, it’s a nice place.” He stepped from the ship into the lush grass and strode purposefully away. “Come with me if you want.”

For a moment, Kylo was frozen to the cold durasteel. They looked out at the unassuming field with wide, panicked eyes. After years of dressing up behind closed doors, suddenly Hux of all people knew who they were. And now – now, he wanted them to show themself outside, in public.  
Their breathing grew faster, forced out of a throat constricted with anxiety. Through Kylo’s mind raced images filled with laughter and pointing, caricatures of broad shoulders bursting out of the beautiful dress that didn’t belong to them, surely didn’t belong on them. As their eyes closed tight, the nightmarish slideshow came faster and faster.  
They took a step backwards, further into the shadows. Somehow Kylo could feel their legs in painful detail, an itch of bulging muscles. In this singular moment it felt all wrong. Trying to shake the humiliating pictures from their head, they could feel the brush of their long locks. It was an indulgence, always had been, even the Supreme Leader disapproved. It ought to be short, practical, masculine, like their father’s.  
A wave of nausea crashed through their chest. Their chest – flat and so hard it felt like concrete against their heaving lungs. Their hips were too narrow as they twisted away from the outside world. They could almost hear their bones grate and move and-

The Force came to them easily in that moment, as hectic and out of control as their emotions were. With only the little conscious effort Kylo could muster, it wrapped around them like a warm blanket, like an embrace. It gently coaxed their eyes open, soothed the thickness in their throat and moved them firmly back towards the hatch.  
It was, however, Kylo alone who willed the final step into the mellow light of the burning suns overhead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy, so, sorry for the age I've taken in posting, but have two chapters in compensation (I'm halfway through the next one too.) I wrote Kylo's dysphoria scene while I was having an attack of it myself, so it should hopefully be quite realistic for you - I hope you all enjoyed the update and I truly promise I'll have another soon (i.e. Don't hold your breath)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who ever heard of uniform chapter length, also bring on some more POV parkour

Hux stood waiting for them just beyond the line of trees, wearing an encouraging smile. He had anticipated some hesitance from Ren and, as the two wove their way through – to Hux – familiar soft foliage, he could see the determination in their tight jaw which proved his suspicions correct. Mostly as a distraction, it seemed, Ren was taking in every inch of the forest around them, gaze lingering on strange, foreign trees and the unusually tiny wildlife flitting between them.  
One particular specimen, a fine green bird with shimmering golden eyes, reminded Hux of a similar creature who had accidentally stowed away on his ship the very first time he had visited the planet. It was long after he and his sister had taken off for home that the twittering of the minute bird came to his attention, by then it had already perched on his sister’s shoulder and apparently adopted her as its own. They had kept it thereafter for several years, since his mother had immediately fallen in love with it, and the lucky thing lived like a king due to their far too generous feeding. Hux didn’t try to stop the fond yet pained smile this memory brought to his lips.  
He was shaken from this reverie, however, by yet another familiar sound.  
“My stars, if it isn’t Armitage Hux!”  
It was Frain Dacc, an old acquaintance from his younger days on Arkanis. This was one of the few things he hadn’t foreseen in his meticulous planning of this trip. He could feel Ren frozen beside him, breathing sharp and shallow.  
Giving a short laugh, he replied, keeping his voice level and calm for Ren’s benefit as much as his own, “It is indeed, Dacc. How have you been keeping?”  
“Well, I can’t complain, chauffeuring the rich and powerful across the galaxy doesn’t put too much stress on a man. What’s taking up your time these days, Hux? It’s been an age – and more importantly, who is this gorgeous lass on your arm?”  
Of course, being the eminent tactician he knew himself to be, he had formed many contingency plans, including aliases for them both.  
“It must have been a decade at least, by now, don’t the years fly by. This is my friend, Padmé.” He hoped that Ren’s sudden look towards him didn’t betray too much surprise at the lie, and that Dacc had forgotten the question that went unanswered.  
“Just a friend? I’d keep it that way, Padmé – you can do a lot better.” The man teased with a good-natured wink.  
Ren laughed nervously at an uncertain pitch, edging a little closer to Hux. Taking the cue, he spoke firmly again.  
“Well if you’ll excuse us, I have some drinks to buy.”  
“Yes, of course. I’d best be getting off-planet – have a good evening.” He winked again, and strode away whistling a jaunty tune.

 

“Padmé?” Kylo asked, when they were out of Dacc’s earshot.  
Hux hummed noncommittally. “She was a great senator. Did you know she was elected queen at only fourteen? Definitely one of the greatest monarchs Naboo ever had and…”  
As they continued deeper into the forest, Kylo continued to listen raptly to Hux’ passionate ramblings on the subject of Padmé Amidala, whom he evidently, despite his hatred for the Republic in all its forms, held in the highest esteem. He certainly knew a good deal more about their grandmother than they had ever been told, and they were therefore intrigued to learn so much about Darth Vader’s wife, for so long just a name to them.  
After the peaceful, sunlit walk, Kylo startled at the burst of colour and noise when they broke into a hidden clearing. As far as they could see, there was only one, very small building, but out of it spilled a throng of chatter and laughter into which Hux seamlessly immersed himself, keeping a tight hold on Kylo’s hand so he could pull them through the door.  
Their mouth fell open as they reached the bottom of a short flight of stairs and the true expanse of the bar was revealed to them. It wasn’t at all what they had been expecting; while many patrons appeared very like the reprobates who frequented their father’s favourite bars, the room itself was clean and tastefully decorated. There stood a gilded bar along the entirety of one wall, an abundance of full tables, and a large dance floor made of deep green ceramic tiles. The overall effect was rather civilised, everyone seeming very at ease with each other, enough that anyone could dance exuberantly.  
Grinning wickedly, Kylo decided this could include them, and began tugging Hux towards the floor.  
“No!” He yelped, caught by surprise. “I don’t dance.”  
“I bet you do. A great general like you, surely there’s nothing you’re incapable of?”  
“It’s not a question of capability.” He shook off their hand. “Of course I can dance, I simply choose not to.”  
“Oh, well now I know you can’t do it. It’s ok – I wouldn’t want to embarrass you.” They turned away, still grinning as they took a few steps towards the dancers, and not in the least surprised when Hux’ arm met their waist and swept them into an impeccable waltz.  
Hux’ gaze was determined as he spun them both through the crowd of couples with a rusty grace. Kylo themself relaxed into the dance, rather pleased to be following after years spent expected to be the man of the dance at every diplomatic occasion. As they had suspected, Hux was a wonderful dancer, pressing closer to them as he skimmed over the floor, looking as if he himself was using the Force.  
As the music slowed to a stop, the couples exchanged bows and curtseys in a wave across the room before a faster song began.  
“I need a drink. Want something?” Hux said quickly, stepping around Kylo towards the bar.  
They took a seat beside him and gingerly sipped the luridly blue cocktail he’d bought. It was a little sour to taste, but so pleasant after years without alcohol that they downed it in one large gulp.  
“Careful, Ren. I don’t want to have to carry you back to the ship.” Hux complained, but signalled for a refill as he drank his own amber liquid at a decidedly slower pace.  
Kylo threw back their drink, and soon after another, truly getting into the spirit of the rowdy atmosphere. As a result, they were no longer self-conscious about the dress, and threw themself back onto the dance floor with relish. People began clapping along to the music when they noticed their carefree movements, bursting with enthusiasm. Their dress fanned out in a circle around their knees, their hair whipping around, as they spun in tight circles. It wasn’t long before they stepped up onto an empty table, the supportive shouts of the crowd spurring on their exhilarated swinging. 

Across the room, Hux watched Kylo Ren’s tipsy flailing fondly, savouring his second tumbler of ale. His lips stilled on the glass. Making their way through the crowd by the door were two junior First Order officers. He knew of them well, had always kept a close eye on them. They both reported to Snoke.

Kylo was still enthusiastically gyrating on the table when they saw Hux suddenly abandon his drink and stride towards them. Intrigued, they lowered their arms, opening their mouth to call out to him when he leapt onto the table with them and-  
Their brain had difficulty informing them of what was happening.  
It seemed as if he had grasped their head firmly, and crushed his lips against theirs.  
Through their liquor-addled consciousness, they heard the whoops and wolf whistles from the crowd.  
The general’s lips were soft, and heated, still tasting of the mellow ale he’d discarded.  
Their still open eyes noticed a few of the more sober customers turn away with wrinkled noses.  
Hux’ arm snaked around their waist with a possessive, iron grip and tugged them from the table, pulling them through the approving crowd. Soon Hux’ back hit a refresher door, which he kicked open and then locked behind them. There was a shocked thrill shooting through them, their hands flying to his hips to steady themself. Their head was still spinning, trying to make sense of Hux’ actions, when they were suddenly shoved aside.  
Kylo stumbled backwards, looking up, bewildered, to see Hux pressed to the door, staring intently through a thin crack in the wood. He appeared to have forgotten them in an instant, not noticing their crestfallen expression, or the changed line of their dress.  
“What in the kriffing-?” They said, slightly breathless.  
Hux shushed them urgently. “There are two of Snoke’s informants in the bar. I had to ensure they didn’t see you.”  
Snoke’s informants? Here? In the very bar Hux had brought them to? Kylo’s mind swam with conflicting information, but seemed to give them only one conclusion.  
“How did they know we were here?”  
“I don’t know,” he replied impatiently, “it must just be a coincidence.”  
“Or you told them.” Kylo said, through gritted teeth.  
“Don’t be absurd, Ren. Of course I didn’t kriffing tell them.”  
“You’re the only one who knows, and you asked me to come here.” They accused, certainty in their slurred voice.  
“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m trying to keep them from seeing you.”  
After weeks of choosing not to read the man’s mind, Kylo didn’t automatically employ the Force to invade his thoughts and, as such, didn’t instinctively verify his statement, or discover the details of his scheme to better outdo him. They turned angrily away, turning on a tap and beginning to scrub their face clean of the ridiculous paints smeared on it.  
At last, Hux deigned to look over at them.  
“What are you doing?” He sounded surprised. He always was good at concealing his true emotions.  
“Leaving.” They snatched an abandoned coat from a hook by the door, pulling its over-large hood over their head.  
“But-”  
“You’ve done enough damage. I should never have entertained this foolish fantasy.” Kylo spat, wrenching open the refresher door with all the finesse they could muster with alcohol fuelling their every rageful move.  
They stalked from the bar, the crowd parting hurriedly before the fire of their glower which shone through the darkness the hood offered. They took the ship from the planet as quickly as possible, keen to escape the clutches of either Snoke’s informants or Hux.  
Their blood ran cold at the thought that, maybe, they were one and the same.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy, so it definitely hasn’t been 13 months since the last update, of course not. Anyway - warnings for this chapter include self-hate, more dysphoria, and some misgendering.

The whole room glittered in candle-light. Flashes of bright colour burned over the marble floor. Rich notes of an out-of-reach song filled their head blissfully.  
In the mirrored walls, they saw a perfect image of themself, of a wine-red dress fanning up around their knees as they were gracefully spun. Lightly guiding their movement was a pale hand curled around their own, which seemed unusually delicate and small in that moment.   
Kylo felt light, almost floating, as if a soft cushion of the Force were supporting them. They ghosted across the floor until their spin came to an end, and they were jerked into a warm embrace, held by the even warmer gaze of two green eyes, as they swayed to the pulse of a very familiar music.  
The colour reminded them of something; gliding through the room, the deep hue carried them to a long-forgotten field, soft grasses swaying under the heat of the suns. The place seemed to echo with carefree laughter and the feeling of home.   
The man smiled as Kylo gazed up at him, wide and genuine and most unlike the general. Truly captivating, they wished they saw it more often.   
They heard themself squeal as they were raised high in the air and caught sight of their full chest and flushed, painted face in the mirrors. Kylo was guided slowly to the ground and pulled close to Hux’ firm chest as they continued to dance slowly. The man was humming the indefinable tune the pair were dancing to, and, with his cheek almost brushing against theirs, he was louder than the orchestra itself.  
The song came to a lilting conclusion, and as the final note died away, Kylo felt Hux lower them into an elegant dip, smiling fondly down at them as the other couples bowed to each other and moved away, leaving them alone. Slowly, his smile never fading, he guided their body to the floor, standing over them as they laughed, carefree.  
They tried to rise again, straining as if against a faulty gravity simulator. Puzzled, Kylo flipped over onto their stomach, bracing their arms against the floor and pushing hard. But they didn’t move. Their muscles were frozen, their chest somehow too close to the floor. Eyes growing wide with fear, they continued to struggle, only jerking upright when the cold marble gave way to rough bedsheets, drenched in sweat and tangling their legs.  
Falling back onto their knees, a disoriented Kylo looked wildly around them, not recognising their own room in the darkness. As they clutched impulsively at the thin fabric of their nightshirt, their hands met a chest flatter than they expected, harder. As realisation crashed over them, their whole body sagged, tears pricking at the corners of their eyes.  
They slapped themself across the face, skin stinging as their frustration burned.  
“You’re a kriffing man, you baby.” They snarled. “Don’t be so kriffing stupid.”  
The final word became unintelligible as they broke down into alternate sobs and screams. In their periphery, they felt stormtroopers in the corridor flinch at the sound. They tried to find joy in that, tried to relish the fact that he, Kylo Ren, was striking fear in others even in his own turmoil-   
But they couldn’t. Not anymore.

 

General Hux sighed as he entered the bridge of the Finalizer. He was tired and significantly less wealthy after being forced to contract a slow shuttle of dubious ownership from a scarred Mandalorian woman at the bar. After being stranded on the planet, he was at least glad to see that the First Order ship had been returned in one piece to its respective docking bay.  
Once he had resumed command, dismissing the colonel he had left in charge, he greeted Captain Phasma, who appeared to have been waiting for him.  
“Sir, the Supreme Leader is expecting you.” She responded, filling his stomach with a cold dread and his mouth with low curses. He had been hoping to have a few hours respite from Force-users.  
He nevertheless thanked her in clipped tones and strode towards the Supreme Leader’s throne room. Before entering, the usually inscrutable general had to school his features into cool non-expression; his mind still raced with anxiety for Kylo Ren.  
“Ah, general, here you are at last.” Snoke commented as soon as he entered the room, entirely dark but for the light from Snoke’s holographic projection.  
The Knight of Ren stood before their master already, hidden by their coarse, black robes and heavy helm.  
“I first summoned you three and a quarter hours ago.”  
“My apologies, Supreme Leader. I was taking my leave.”   
“Well, now that I finally have your attention, general…”   
Hux listened closely to Snoke’s orders, a new mission he was charged with arranging and commanding. However, he was also occupied with Ren’s presence at his side. They were standing stiff and silent, their shadowed eye-slot held, unwavering, towards the Supreme Leader – a thousand parsecs from the carefree person who tricked him onto the dance-floor with a cheeky grin not ten hours earlier.   
It wasn’t long before Hux was dismissed. He stood frozen for a few moments, quickly debating the possibility of leaving with Ren, having the chance to speak to them, to salvage something of the trust they’d had before.  
“Was there anything else, general?” The hologram asked coolly.  
“No, Supreme Leader. I shall go and inform the men.”  
He turned on his heel, regretfully leaving Kylo Ren alone. Rather than confer directly with his officers, as protocol dictated, he conveyed the orders to Captain Phasma via commlink as he waited just outside the door. While he was determined to talk to Ren, he had not yet planned what he might say, unable to think of anything which might persuade them of his trustworthiness. Hux knew the enormity of the betrayal they had felt, had seen their expression, filled with pain and anger, before, a long time ago. But if he had failed then… stars knew if he could do anything now, if he could be anything to Ren anymore.  
He stepped forward instinctively when he heard their heavy footfalls in the corridor.  
“Ren-”  
They pushed past the general, not even sparing him a glance before sweeping down the hall.  
“Ren!” Hux shouted in frustration at the ragged cloak whipping out of sight.   
He brought a shaking hand to his forehead, rubbing his temples nervously. They just needed a little more time, he reasoned, he should give them some space to cool off, time to see that Hux wasn’t plotting anything against them. He clasped his hands behind his back once more, gave a curt nod to the empty corridor, and walked back to his shift with a forced calm.

 

He didn’t see or hear from Kylo Ren at all that day. Hux had been convinced that he’d receive at least one report of major console damage before the shift change, but all had remained quiet. As he made his way back to his quarters at a leisurely pace, he decided this meant Ren had indeed calmed down with time and distance, that they weren’t as frustrated and angry with him as he’d feared.  
This thought, however, died as quickly as he had desperately formed it. For on the floor of his quarters, directly before the door, was a heap of everything he’d given to them. Silks and glitter and the finest lace. All mangled by the heat of a lightsaber.   
After weakly stepping forward towards the vivid carnage, he fell to his knees, gazing at it unseeing. The sight had forced an eerily similar image into his mind’s eye, one he had selfishly striven to forget. The charred, still-warm scraps ran through his numb fingers, and a cold tear ran down his cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again for the length between updates, but I have come back to give you the last three chapters of Black Lace - all of which I shall post today.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER, PLEASE HEED THEM - Mentions of past suicide, transphobia, and child abuse. Please stay safe everyone x

General Hux was not ordinarily a cowardly or indecisive man. He had never seen a point in delay if there was only one logical course of action before him. In this instance, however, it was a slow, silent week before he forced himself back towards Ren’s quarters.  
Every spare moment he was considering what he could possibly say to heal their rift, as he would a rousing speech, only now tears pricked the back of his eyelids at every other sentence. He had even been close to making the journey twice, about to rise from his chair at the end of alpha shift, when Lieutenant Mitaka would appear before him, his face pale from what could only be a close encounter with a red lightsaber.  
But at last, keeping his mind blank of his true purpose, allowing only a stray thought about their most recent conversation with the Supreme Leader to slip out, he stepped up to Ren’s door. He had watched them enter ten minutes before using the security footage linked to his datapad. Given the amount of emotional preparation he had begrudgingly found himself doing for this moment, he wasn’t about to let it go to waste.  
Unusually, he rapped on the door, thinking it symbolic to allow them the choice to let him back in. Foolish, foolish, they’ll probably never –  
The door slid open, revealing Kylo Ren in their full mask and robes, not a gash of skin to betray their inner thoughts. He pushed his way past the silent figure, not leaving them a second to change their mind.   
“She died.”  
There was no response, so he simply pressed on.  
“I accepted her, I loved her, so did our mother. It didn’t matter to us, so long as she was comfortable with herself. Father was an officer. We barely ever saw him, so we decided he didn’t need to know. She wore my clothes whenever he came home, and he was none the wiser. We did everything we could for her, and she was happy. Until one day — one day…”  
Hux swallowed and looked down at the floor.  
“Father called home. He was away on a mission, wasn’t due back for weeks yet. Anyway, I answered the comm and told him how things were going around the house, how much we all missed him. Then he asked how Ethin was doing and I said she was fine. She. I’d been so careful before, every time I spoke to him, but then...  
“And they were looking at me, shocked and alarmed. I tried to backtrack, laughing at the mistake. He was suspicious at first, but he seemed to buy it, to our relief. Then two days later, without any warning, he was home. I managed to get her changed before he could see her, but there was no time to clear her room before he searched it. I tried to stop him, but he said – he said there’s no need to act anymore. He kriffing praised me for telling him about it.  
“He had all her clothes piled up outside and burned, set light to it right in front of her. Well of course I kept trying to stop him, and that’s when he finally realised I wasn’t acting. He was ashamed of me, I think, even more than of her and he had me sent away on a military exercise before I could even tell her I was sorry.”  
Hux took a shuddering breath, painfully aware of the silence.   
“I didn’t get to come home after that – I was already a lieutenant and they said they needed me there. I even tried to resign at one point, but my father wouldn’t allow it. Anyway, she… she died not long after. A few months, I think. No-one would tell me how, but I suspected she took her own life.”  
From there, he rushed through the words, just wanting it over with.   
“Father wasn’t going to let me go to her funeral, but he relented when I said I wanted to say one last goodbye to my “brother.” It made me sick to say it, but what other option did I have? That way I could go, I could comfort my mother who looked on the verge of death herself. They still tried to dress her in a suit.”  
“What do you mean, tried?” The grating voice from Kylo’s modulator made him jump, almost frightened.  
“Well, I knew the boy who had dug the grave. He owed me a favour, so he looked the other way when I took a crowbar to the coffin and changed her into a red dress I’d bought new. Her measurements were a bit smaller than I’d known them, but she still looked beautiful. Then I nailed the lid back again, and helped fill in the grave so I could plant a rose over her afterwards. She had tended it for years, you see, so I thought she’d… thought she’d like it with her.”  
He cleared his throat, stiffening to his customary stance.  
“Anyway, that’s what happened. That’s why I helped you, why I – why I never would have betrayed you, Kylo.” His voice cracked, humiliatingly obvious in the silence that held his unvoiced plea for forgiveness.  
After a moment’s hesitation, Kylo Ren finally removed their helmet. If it weren’t for his rigorous military training, Hux might have reeled back from the sight, so overwhelmed was he with guilt in that moment.   
Kylo still seemed as tired as ever, but now their hair was unkempt, unwashed, looking as though chunks of it had been hacked short without care, and the red, puffy skin around their eyes was a cruel mockery of the scarlet powders they had once worn with pride.  
“It wasn’t your fault.” They said quietly.  
Hux scoffed.  
“Well, ok, it was, but you don’t need to feel guilty about it. You did everything and more.”  
“It still wasn’t enough though, was it?”  
He looked up when he felt a hesitant hand on his shoulder.  
“If it’s any consolation, Hux, you’ve more than atoned.” Then tears began to fall, following tracks on Kylo’s cheeks which seemed hardly to have dried since they must last have cried. “I- I’m so kriffing impulsive, I didn’t – should’ve listened to you, Hux, and I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I know you didn’t betray me, but I just… Force, after everything you did for me – you made me feel real, Hux, for the first time ever, before that I… No-one understood. Not even me, really. But you looked at me, Hux, and you actually saw me, accepted me. And I know we’re not exactly friends, but… I’ve never had that before, Hux. It was like for the first time I wasn’t just being me inside my head, having to hide away from the real world. That was real, and I was safe. Thank you.”  
Hux wasn’t sure when exactly he’d begun to sob as well, but it was a while before either of them stopped. For some reason, he was comfortable dropping his usual practised façade around Kylo. Even now, their very presence was like a warm blanket, or perhaps an embrace.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter also contains flashbacks of what some (e.g. me) might interpret as transphobia, and Han and Leia not being the best parents.

Kylo was happy today, for the first time in weeks. Their skin didn’t itch, they had a few free days of leave before their next expected mission, and last night they had finally made some amends with Hux. He had even stayed with them to help Kylo fix their mutilated hair, which was now shorter than they usually liked, but it still felt good. It bounced slightly, and curled towards their chin.  
They had been meditating for most of that morning, relishing how much more easily they could find the Force now that their mind was clear and their emotions less all-consuming. If the Force flowing through them had been a little more Light than the Knights of Ren would have expected of their leader, they no longer cared. It seemed that’s just who they were – and besides which, they were the leader.  
No, now there was only one person whose approval Kylo still longed for, and perhaps the only person who could never give it. As much as they had always striven to follow in their grandfather’s footsteps, they had never heard a response from him through the Force. Once Kylo had thought that they simply required more training, more discipline, but now they were coming to terms with the idea that, perhaps, he simply wasn’t there. Not everyone became a Force ghost after all.  
It was perhaps because of this new belief that they ventured back into the room that held Darth Vader’s helmet. They simply needed somewhere to sit, to talk through their current dilemma, and now they were certain that there was no-one in that room to listen to them. But the symbol might still bring them solace and peace, as it always had. And so they sat before the pedestal, gazing at the twisted helmet and wondering where to begin. Somehow, they were still nervous to say any of this aloud, to finally concrete its reality.  
They explained everything, about how they felt as a child, about everything Hux had done, how they fucked up, how they had started to fix things. But then they got to the present, to Kylo not knowing what to do next.  
“I mean, it could stay between us. I don’t need to be – I’m fine most of the time. And then maybe when I’m alone, or when we’re alone I could show myself. That could be fine. But then… I also feel like I’ve already been doing that for so long, I’m so tired of it, and I just want to… Ughhh.”  
They let out a frustrated, overly-dramatic sound and buried their face in their hands, squeezing their eyes shut against the indecision. But then Kylo heard something, almost missing it behind their own groans. When they looked up, they realised that the compartment beneath the mask had opened of its own accord, as if someone had tripped the lock with the Force. The first thing they saw was their old lightsaber, as well as all their past attached to it, suddenly flooding their mind in that moment.

They had been a child, still, although they would never have said so. Still hoping to make their parents proud, still believing in the Jedi way they had chosen for them. They had never liked their name. Ben. It sounded like it could have been their father’s name, masculine and just too short and blunt for them to ever get used to. And besides, they hadn’t even been the first to have it, that was Obi-Wan, the person who tried to kill their grandfather, the powerful Darth Vader. They had always wondered why his mother would have named them after him.  
But anyway, they wanted their own name, a nicer one, and they had settled on Kylo. It sounded smoother. They liked it. They hoped their parents would like it too, and told them about it the very next time their mother was home (which had been a frustratingly long time.) Their father had actually laughed, but then apologised when Leia had looked at him. Kylo wasn’t sure what to make of that. But their mother called them Kylo that evening, when she said goodnight. They grinned until they fell asleep.  
She was already calling them Ben by breakfast.  
“Mum, it’s… it’s Kylo.” They reminded her. She must have a lot of things to remember… political things.  
“Oh yes, I’m sorry, Kylo, I am trying.”  
“I don’t see what’s wrong with the kriffing name we gave you.” Han said tersely from where he sat with his feet on the kitchen table.  
“He can go by whatever he wants, Han.” Their mother scolded him.  
She apparently thought Kylo had already walked out of earshot when she hissed: “Just humour him, please.”  
Their father left with Uncle Chewie later that day. He said they’d been planning it for weeks, and he couldn’t believe they’d all forgotten – but Kylo knew it was because he was angry with them. Leia didn’t wave as he left, returning to the house without a word.  
They could tell that their mother was making some effort towards using their name, but she always seemed so distracted. She barely spent any time with them even when she was home, still having a lot of work to do. It was even worse than usual on this occasion as she slowly showed more and more annoyance as the days crept by and Kylo kept reminding her of their name. They were starting to think she wasn’t just forgetting it.  
It was a week later when she finally said it to them, after Kylo had quietly interrupted her comm-call with the senator for Coruscant to correct her statement that ‘Ben was doing fine, and his training seems to be going well.’  
“Look, Kylo dear,” she had said, “please stop correcting me about your name. I always know when I’m getting it wrong, and it does upset me so to be reminded.”  
They had nodded, numbly. What else could they have done? But they knew then that they would never hear their name at home again. That night it was raining, but they didn’t notice it as the icy blade of their lightsaber cut into the trees of the copse behind their house. Some of the trees fell around them; birds roosting in the topmost branches flapped away in distress; for the first time, a low, kind voice spoke softly inside their head.

They shook the memories away, replacing them in their mind with the warm nothingness of the Force. Still standing beside the dusty lightsaber were the tall shoes, the only thing Hux had given them to escape their wrath simply because they’d forgotten they were there, stowed away as they were with other things Kylo often wished they could forget. And they knew what they had to do.  
“Thank you, grandfather.” Kylo whispered in relief.  
When they stood, there seemed to be another presence in the room. Someone standing behind them, perhaps with a hand lightly on their shoulder. But they might have imagined it. Kylo didn’t turn around, just in case, so that in their mind they could always know their grandfather had been there, when they needed him most.

  
  
Three days later, there was an unexpected rebel attack on a key First Order outpost. General Hux was there within minutes – at a safe distance – and he cursed his co-commander’s terrible timing that they had taken their second leave ever since joining the Order now, of all the kriffing times. He had called them, of course, but stars only knew where they were. Hopefully some of Han Solo’s flying talent had rubbed off on them, because as much as Hux hated to rely on anything other than well-devised military tactics and skill, he might just need the Force to give his troops a helping hand.  
There were already ten squadrons on the ground, and he’d just ordered a fleet of TIE Fighters to back them up and scatter the enemy lines in their path. But now, it seemed Captain Phasma’s commlink had gone down, and unless they got someone else down there now his ability to issue orders would be seriously compromised, and they could easily lose all the advantage brought by the air assault.  
But maybe the Force was with Hux that day because, just as the perimeter wall of the command base was breached, Kylo Ren strode onto the bridge. Their heels clacked so loudly on the durasteel floor that for a moment he didn’t notice the silence that was the absence of modulated breathing and, apparently, the breathing of the other officers in the room. When Hux turned, he saw their old, hooded cloak still slung around their shoulders. But beneath it, he was surprised to see that their heavy belt was cinching the waist not of their usual robes but of a black lace dress that reached almost to the floor. Kylo’s face was set, and their lips and eyes were coloured a fierce blood red which on their determined features looked almost like warpaint. And in a way, Hux mused, that’s really what it was.  
“So, what’s the situation?” Kylo’s gaze met Hux’ steadily.  
For the first time General Hux truly knew he was dealing with the Master of the Knights of Ren. He grinned, like the battle was already won.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So!! That is the end of Black Lace, I hope you all enjoyed it, and I would love feedback if you have any. Apologies again for the quite unreasonable hiatus between chapters 6 and 7, which was due in part to my going from identifying as pan and genderfluid to aroace and a trans man. As such I drifted away from a genderfluid character partly based on my own experiences, and I had no idea how to write what I had intended to be a romantic ending. As for after this fic, I invite you to draw your own conclusions: perhaps they continue as firm friends, or merely respectful colleagues, or maybe they’re the most intimidating power couple in the galaxy. I leave that to you. Also, for anyone interested, of course Ethin was Hux’ sister’s deadname, and her real name was Mella Hux. Since I began this fic before we found out about Hux’ parentage these siblings’ don’t really fit into the canon, but if anything she may have been Brendol Hux’ second and legitimate child with his wife, Maratelle. Thank you all again so much for reading x


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